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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… Blah!

Yes, it did shake my world like an earthquake, the understanding that WORDS, the means by which I’ve made my living since I was 15, can also be limited to the corporeal.

It has been three months since my last written post.

This was not an overnight realization, but in fact something that began during my trip in Israel. I knew as I was experiencing this pilgrimage of the Holy Land that there was no way I would ever be able to properly put into words what was happening inside of me. To describe what was happening externally would be easy and I immediately began work on that here in the blog as soon as I returned to America. I posted pictures and video from the sites I visited, a bit of the history and then would expound on what it felt like being there; it’s the latter I had the most difficulty with, namely because it was more than a feeling. To describe the way I personally felt seemed somewhat narrowing because it was so much more than anything that happened through my own subjective lens. Any describable feelings limited the truth of what was experienced.

I knew as I stood on the Mount of Olives looking out over Jerusalem, what was happening to me internally was nothing that I would ever be able to relay in words. In fact, the closest I could get to relaying the experience to another would be through silence.

It is impossible to define what is infinite.

Eventually, I stopped blogging about the trip to Israel altogether because I felt I was putting a severe limitation on my experience there.

A month later, my mom’s brother passed of neuroendocrine cancer. At a very young 54 years of age, my Uncle Jim was a man most known for his motto of priority in, “Faith, family and friends,” as well as a strong drive to constantly better himself in all aspects of his life.

Though I was never especially close with his family, I certainly am now. I just happened to be the family member in the nearest proximity to where they reside in Scottsdale, plus my schedule is flexible and I can work from anywhere, so there seemed little reason for me not to go stay with them and help wherever and however I could. I assisted them in planning his viewing, funeral, and the wake and stayed long after everyone else had come and gone so they wouldn’t immediately feel alone.

But every second spent there with them gave me far more than I could possibly give them. Having the privilege to be with them through their grief was not only a shot in the arm of raw appreciation, but I feel like I got to know my uncle and all he stood for through getting to know better my devoted aunt and three beautiful cousins. They are the continuation of his life and it is this legacy that has inspired me to put things in my own life into better perspective and priority. (“Faith, family and friends…”)

There was also a lesson the universe was still trying to teach me about words. It began on a seed level in Israel, it became a consciousness once I was back in the states trying to chronicle the experience, and it manifested itself in being with my family after my uncle’s passing. When one is going through the most severe of pain, trauma or despair, there are no words that could possibly console. There’s no bumper sticker slogan of spirituality that’s going to penetrate. What penetrates is our actions and often the seemingly smallest of actions. Just showing up, just being there. Just wiping down a counter top or getting someone a soda.

Yehuda Berg once wrote, “Advice is our biggest vice. You can give advice until you are blue in the face, but if you don’t demonstrate love your message will be lost.”

Words are a lot like money. We’re only allotted so much in life, some more than others, but it’s what we do with it that counts.

Neither money nor words have any value until we choose to give it value. Money is just empty paper until we decide to give it worth and manage it as such. Words, no matter how insightful or spiritual, will always be empty until we choose to manage them properly – to give them along with actions of love, to be selective with them, to know when it’s right to use them or when it’s right to save them, to know who they should be invested into and if giving them to that person at this time will indeed help them to grow or if it will be wasted.

As you can see, it’s not going to stop the writer in me from using words frequently and I do intend to return to the Israel Diaries soon, though this time with a better understanding of their purpose.

…As well as my own.

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